REALLY SORRY folks!! Wanna blog like nobody's business.. But I gotta catch a nightbus in 5minutes to take me to Marble Arch, where I then have to catch a Coach to take me to Stansted!! (I hate Luton & Stansted!!! ...Actually any) I'm still packing!!!! Trust me to FINALLY go on Holiday when the Summer finally hits London!!! Anyway, I'm slightly panicked!!! gotta run!!!
 I haven't blogged in a while, so this is a lengthy entry that more than makes up for it! Read it in easily digestible chunks if you have to. SOoo what I have been upto since last we communicated over the interweb?! Well! Last Tuesday I went 'Speed-dating' for the first time EVER!! Yep you guessed it, another hilarious episode from my so-called life ensued! ..My So called Life.. now there was a depressing TV series if I ever I saw one.. which I didn't! But thanks to my two sisters, the name 'Jared Leto' was indelibly etched into my subconscious! The adverts for that programme alone were enough to make me wanna stick on R.E.M.'s 'Everybody Hurts', sit in my car, close the garage door, turn on the engine and let the exhaust fumes fill the room and do their work... That's if A) I was old enough to drive (which I wasn't) B) I had a car (which I didn't) & C) I had a garage (yep, you know the score by now, I didn't have one of those either!) ..So I guess that whole idea must've been something else I saw on TV too! I watched A LOT of TV growing up.. It kept me off the streets, away from crime, and gave me no reason to riot or loot ('cos I already had a TV, and I was watching it! Duh!). Ah TV. How did the human race raise their young before you came along? ..Wait! I don't wanna know.. What?! I got diverted again didn't I? Story of my life. So where were we? ..Oh yeah that's right.. This Italian chick invites me to Salsa, and then brings her boyfriend!! Can you believe it?! What? Oh, you heard that story? Speed-dating! That's right! So I've never been, EVER. I have thought about it, but always figured it was something I'd consider waaay down the line.. Like when I'd well and truly given up on finding my life partner in a bar or a club, or laying in some gutter, pissed out of her brains, waiting for an ambulance to pump her stomach.. After I'd tried all that, I would finally be ready for the last resorts of speed dating and internet dating.. But it turns out some crazy fools actually try that $hit first! Before they look for potential wives in the gutters of Westminster! ..The fools! Truth be told, I was set up! My brother and sister got tired of seeing me look longingly at the TV every time an advert for eHarmony came on, so they bought me a ticket for a speed-dating event. When I found out, I was PISSED! I mean 'Hello?' do they think I can't find a girl through the traditional means of approaching random strangers in the street with an engagement ring and declarations of my undying love? I'm a Romantic! I believe in fate, serendipity! Not something as contrived as actually meeting people that are looking for the same things as you are, in a pre-arranged environment Dammit! ..But I'll try anything once, so I went (and thankfully guilt tripped a friend of mine into coming too!) ..But I still aint doing internet dating (yet!).. I mean what is this? The Matrix? What do I look like? Keanu Reeves?! Disclaimer: I had absolutely NO expectations! I mean absolute ZERO! ..I mean I'm talkin' I have more expectations about meeting 'The One' when I go into my front garden to pick up a parcel! But I was open minded. So off I went, strutting into the bar where it was taking place.. AND.. there were about three chicks there!! Haha. Typical. It was early and more people turned up, but the ratio was always pretty bad. But regardless if there's five people there or fifty; we're all just interested in meeting one person, so what does it matter. It was just a regular bar as you'd find on any night out, except this time around that sheet of glass that engulfs most chicks on a night out had already been cracked, so it was easier to chat to them. Now I don't wanna give you a false impression. I know I'm all self-deprecating in an endearing kind of way, but I'm also the most sociable person you're ever gonna meet. Talking to randoms is something I can do stone cold sober on a morning commute when everyone is busy looking at the floor trying to avoid eye contact. I chatted to a couple of chicks and dudes at the bar, but what of the speed dating? Well, it was a poorly organised event, and it turns out the speed-dating was optional and you had to sign up to it.. but all the sessions had been booked!! Whaaaa? What a rip! ..Okay, so I didn't want to do it in the first place, but now that I came all this way, I bloody well did want to do it.. especially if they were telling me I couldn't!! So we got them to add another session, though they warned us that it would only go ahead if they got enough other people to join it. Now I figured in speed-dating, you'd get to meet every chick that attended the event and chat to her for three minutes.. thus playing the numbers game of meeting as many people in a night in the hope of hitting it off with at least one of them. Not so. The speed-dating session consisted of only 7 guys & 7 girls.. out of a pool of about 30 guys and 20 girls. Anyway, it was utterly utterly crap!! I'm glad I did it, just to get an idea of what kind of crazy-ass crackers are out there, but seriously girls, learn some damn manners!! Us guys are pretty simple creatures. All we fundamentally want is someone that's attractive and has a nice personality.. We don't care where you work, what you studied or where, or how much money you earn. I mean firstly, what happened to small talk? 'Hey, how's it going? Yeah, crazy weather we're having' etc. etc! These chicks had a mental checklist and went about 'interviewing' you from the moment you sat down! All the things the girls say in the comic strip I drew are true! The nerve of some of these people to probe you like that! Hey, I don't care if you do wash your hair with L'Oréal, you still aint worth it! But what can you do except make light of the situation and turn it into a joke.. and then blog about their ass when you get home! When the girl asked me how I made my money I told her that I mug people and rob old ladies, and that if her phone should go missing that night, she'd know who took it! There's plenty more to say on the subject, but the comic strip I drew says it all really. It has to be noted that this event took place in the City (London's financial district), and all the attendees pretty much fitted the City stereotypes. City folk are pretty raucous & money minded. Guys boast about how good a shag a girl is to randoms in the toilets; girls probably do the same. The place is for specific types of people. The girls I met were looking for 'Professionals' with good jobs (& a good wage), hell which girl in her right mind isn't looking for that? Creative types like me just weren't on their radar. Fairplay I guess. If I'm looking for someone in particular, I'm not gonna settle for someone that isn't that person. It's good that these people know who they're looking for, and good luck to them in finding him. I guess for me, I just wasn't looking for anyone in particular.. and it showed. My outlook is pretty simple: If you're cool, you can roll with me and join my gang. Overall, I did think it was jokes and as a social person, I just enjoyed meeting and talking to so many new people. Some of the lads there had me properly cracking up too.. I didn't meet any potential partners, but I definitely thought some of the girls (and guys) would be a laugh to go out with, so I passed around my business card and told 'em we should all get a drink sometime.. Obviously no one contacted me or added me on facebook. Hell, if they're keeping a blog, they're probably writing about the weirdo that was handing out his business card wanting to be everyone's friend! But you know what, that's just me. I can't begrudge you if I don't meet your criteria; just as you can't begrudge me if I use you as fodder for my stories and then write about you on my blog! Haha. Can't wait to see what characters I'll meet at the next one! Until then, I'm concentrating on my work!! The reason I mention all these stories from my 'personal life' is because having a messed up personal life is the biggest impediment to having a successful professional life. How are you supposed to focus on your work when all this other stuff is going on? With me, I feel like I'm burning the candle at both ends; trying to solve both simultaneously, but succeeding in neither. So time to focus on one at a time. I gave some time & effort to my personal life.. now I need to focus on my professional life. It's all about striking a balance. Okay, this has been a MEGA blogging session.. so future sessions will be shorter, but more frequent.. I hope! Thanks for reading! Now give your eyes a rest.. go watch some TV!!  Oh. MyGod (it's one word bitches!). So you know how a few Fridays ago I went to two Salsa classes and got shut down? Well the next day I tried my luck again (I don't accept defeat.) and went to Bar Salsa in Central London. Anyway, it was crap. But there was a silver lining. Some Italian chick took pity on my lack of dance floor coordination and gave me some free coaching. We had a bit of a laugh and I told her to add me on Facebook. She never did. Never mind, story of my life. I went about my business in the usual 'tears of a clown' way.. Fast forward two weeks to now. This chick adds me on Facecook, I mean Facebook, and then asks if I fancy going Salsa.. tonight!! Now as I've already told you, I had the Mofilm Pepsi shortfilm to conceive of and make by noon Monday (tomorrow).. but it's not every day serendipity smiles at me and has a fit chick ask me to go dancing.. so I took a gamble. I put my career aspirations on hold and hoped that maybe.. just maybe... Well!! It was a fucking test designed by the fates to test my mettle, and see just how badly I want to succeed as a filmmaker.. and I failed miserably!! Kids, no matter how badly you might want to believe something.. if it sounds too good to be true, it usually is. I met up with this chick, and yes, she was good looking. But why the hell did she ask me if I felt like meeting up.. when she was meeting up with her boyfriend that very same night??!! With me still there!!! Now the rational amongst you may argue that she was just being nice and wanted to teach me Salsa.. and I'd agree with you.. if we actually went to a Salsa club!! We ended up going to Guanabara, a Brazilian joint, where the dancing was.. Brazilian! (Far too hot for my fragile English sensibilities!) At first it was just me and this chick; with no mention that her boyfriend would be joining us, or that she even had a boyfriend!! ..I kind of stood there next to her, awkwardly watching everyone else dancing like it was some grotesque gladiatorial sport, thinking 'There's no way I'm doing any of this.' To be fair, the fit Italian chick was being nice and trying to coax me into remembering some Salsa, but I was just too damn self conscious and was back on the sidelines watching her dance with another fella.. That's cool. I dance better by myself anyway. Then out of the blue she goes gleefully wrapping her arms around another fella! Señor boyfriend had arrived! An Indian dude with less hair than me, and less swagger (but he was a good dancer.. the swine!). Now what the fuck ladies and gentleman? Seriously, why invite me out to be a third wheel? Was this my penance for wanting to go out more than wanting to stay home and work? So I'm just supposed to stand there whilst boyfriend and girlfriend and every other mother trucker in the joint grinds away? I get the picture God; I should've stayed at home and done my work! ..But these fucked-up experiences are the life blood of a writer! This shit was ammo for my storytelling! So rather than just accept that I was just a holding mat to occupy this chick until señor boyfriend showed up, I ignored my gut instinct to get the hell outta there PRONTO! and stuck around for a bit. Why not? I'd paid to get in, bought the drinks.. may as well 'observe' these human relationships at play. Señor boyfriend didn't like me from the get go, I could tell by the way he tried to squeeze the life out of my hand when he shook it.. and to be honest, if that was my girlfriend, I wouldn't like me either! But brotherman, trust me, I wasn't making moves on your chick.. even before I knew she was taken! I didn't like him either. Not because we were two 'tokens' at the same party.. but because he seemed like a sleezey shit, and I don't deal with sleaze. Señor boyfriend was busy trying to chirpse every chick other than his pretty girlfriend!! Aint that always the way..? The mans that got the girls don't appreciate them, and the mans that don't got the girl are too nice to ever get them in the first place.. Now it was clear to me. Why had this pretty chick randomly invited me on a night out with her and her sleazey scumbag boyfriend? To show him that she too can attract the attention of other fine male specimens.. or me, as the case may be! I was a fucking pawn in a fucked-up game of two fucked-up lovers!! ..Eeew, I feel so used. Now said 'fit chick' will probably read this blog (I posted a link to it on my Facebook wall) and instantly 'un-friend' me. But so what? I don't need people like that in my life.. I definitely need something.. there's a yearning, that's for sure. But I don't need that. Stay at home; resist the temptations of your imagination running wild. Focus on the work. Lesson learned. I hope. ..And that's the root of the problem: 'I hope' too damn much!  DAMMIT!!! I am SOoooo my own worst enemy!! Okay, so rather than shoot a brand new shortfilm for the DepicT 90 second shortfilm competition, I just trimmed down an existing shortfilm (Journey's End.. down from 2minutes 20, to 90 seconds!! ..I think it works a lot better now). I don't mind doing that, because it took some real editing skills and I learned in the process. But last Wednesday or Thursday I decided I would also enter the Mofilm Pepsi competition. The brief is to make a 60second film that would 'Wow' the judges.. of the three briefs, I chose the one that stipulated that the film has to be funny. Now if you were to judge me by my work, you'd guess that I was a MAJOR depressive! When in truth, those that know me would argue that I am the complete opposite (it's called having range folks!!); seriously, you can't have a serious conversation with me if your life depended on it.. I'd even crack a joke to see if you're life really did depend on it, and then crack another joke as you lay dying on the floor! So I really wanna show this less serious side of myself in my work. The Mofilm Pepsi competition seemed the ideal opportunity!! So even though the deadline for the competition was a few days away, I decided, screw it, I'm gonna enter!! ..And then the weekend hit, and I was more interested in trying to enjoy the last remnants of sunshine in this pitiful English Summer than I was in trying to make a shortfilm!! I always leave things to the last minute, and so even up until this afternoon, less than 24 hours until the deadline, I was confident I'd make something, despite not having a clue what to make, or anyone to film.. That's just how I roll; with the odds stacked against me and my back against the wall. In some sadistic way, I think I get a kick out of the stress & pressure!! (or I can use the ol' 'Last minute' excuse if it turns out crap!) But alas, a friend just asked me if I fancied meeting up this evening, and as much as I want to make this film, I also want to just enjoy life and be social.. That's what happens when you work by yourself in the confines of your room for 90% of the time.. You crave anything that gets you out into the world and any opportunity to be social! It's a sick and twisted place, this thing we call life. Every moment of life should be cherished and enjoyed.. we live but once, so not a moment should be wasted on not enjoying life.. But then how the hell does anything get done?? How do you balance the need to enjoy life and the need to focus on nothing but your work and trying to make something of your life?! Answers on a postcard to the usual address. Meanwhile. as penance, I'm going to work my socks off for the rest of the week to make up for my Mofilm failure and for not being able to say 'No' to a good time!! |  Nish Udhian
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